Domestic abuse seems to be all around us at the moment. From celebrity issues, to the Duchess of Cornwall saying “Domestic abuse affects everybody” and Ian Wright’s deeply moving Desert Island discs in the run up to Valentine’s Day. Our CEO Deb celebrates the rise in stories but urges everyone to make it their business to be aware of domestic abuse and its impact.
On the rise in news stories about domestic abuse recently - we say - great news. It is excellent that the issue is being so widely discussed and debated. It is incredible that the Duchess highlights this happening in her own social circle, that our Patron, Kathrin Smallwood, does too. It is great that men like Ian Wright can publicly process the harmful impact of familial abuses on him and go on to be the man that he has become.
All of these things allow us to know that this insidious issue can be behind any closed door, and that as a society we say: “No! This isn’t a private matter anymore”. When someone is being harmed this is a matter for all of us to object to, to say we will not allow this in our progressive society. It is not a matter for us to judge, to look down upon or to decide who is right and who is wrong.
It is for us to acknowledge the harm, to recognise its impact on individual human beings, how they feel and act in the world, and to say we want everyone to have a chance to know that it’s okay, it wasn’t their fault, they didn’t do anything to deserve that and we are here to help. To those that harm we might also see the ways they can and should be helped and, of course, held to account.
That is what made Ian Wright’s radio interview so important to me. His famous viral video, of a reunion with a schoolteacher, and his reference of it again is a wonderfully pertinent example of trauma aware compassion. You see we have always had this in us, and we have done it sans buzzword; but, somewhere, amidst the targets, the austerities, the restructures and pressure it has gotten lost. That teacher, who in the 1970’s, mentored Ian, showed him a path through gentle teaching and allowed him to grow beyond his experiences understood that community and its overall healthiness is Everybody’s Business.
Everyone can take this approach, making sure that we are all on the look-out for the signs and ready to help. From not just passing someone on the street, but taking note of their situation and what they may be experiencing, to police officers who take a breath and handle incidents with a calmness and openness that engenders greater trust and feelings of safety for victims, to magistrates who know that human relationships are complex and not always six of one and half a dozen of the other, and can see how parents may genuinely be protecting their children.
It’s for everyone to take responsibility and action – companies and organisations can put in place policies to support victims of abuse, schools can educate their pupils, teachers and pastoral staff. Community groups can use our resources to inform and educate. We urge everyone who ever encounters someone who is suffering at the hands of someone who was supposed to love them, to reach out with love, compassion and support.
At Oasis, we have a number of tools and resource to help everyone make it their business to tackle domestic abuse. Our work is far reaching, from taking referrals and housing women and children who need safety to training staff and providing resources in key services, schools and the workplace. Contact us today to find out more.
Get Help Now
If you or someone you know is experiencing Domestic Abuse, you can get help fast:
In an emergency always call 999 (if you can’t speak, cough or tap the handset then press 55 on your phone - the police will know it’s an emergency) or 101 for non-emergencies
For non-emergency support and safety planning, if it’s safe to do so:
In Kent: Call Victim Support on 0808 16 89 111 email kent.vart@victimsupport.org.uk or use live chat bit.ly/VS-livechat
In Medway: Call our helpline 0800 917 9948 or email RAISEreferrals@oasisdaservice.org
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Domestic Abuse is everybody’s business
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