Is your relationship healthy?
It's important to think about whether our relationships are okay.
This may be your first experience with romantic love or sex; it doesn't mean it is the right relationship for you or how everyone else feels when in a relationship.
Signs of a healthy relationship are that you feel: Happy, liked, respected, cared for, supported, free, safe, and that you are able to be yourself.
Signs of an unhealthy relationship are when you feel: humiliated, nervous, depressed, scared, might not able to eat or sleep properly or eat or sleep too much, you might feel pressured to use drugs or alcohol. You might also feel angry, trapped, guilty, blamed and bad about yourself.
We’re here to help you to understand what is healthy and what is not. Look at the Quiz / Flow chart below to see if things in your relationship may not be healthy. If you feel that your relationship is abusive or has some abusive traits, it’s important to seek appropriate advice - we are here to support you.
Relationship quiz
Does your partner get angry when you want to spend time with your friends or demand that you spend all your time with them?
Does your partner check your phone, email, and social media accounts?
Does your partner try and get you to defriend people on social media, take down your photos, or stop you messaging your friends?
Is your partner always calling, texting/whatsapping/snapchatting you to check where you are and who you’re with?
Does your partner tell you what to wear or how to do your hair?
Does your partner laugh at you or put you down in front of other people?
Does your partner get aggressive? Do they hit, shove, slap or kick you?
Does your partner threaten to harm you or themselves?
Does your partner call you names?
Does your partner pressure you to have sex when you don’t want to, telling you that “everyone is doing it” or that you would do it “if you really loved them”?
If the answer was yes to any of the questions you or someone you love may be in an abusive relationship. There are many options and resources available to help you. You can always ask for support and help, you are not alone.
If you want to speak to someone about your relationship you can get help now.
Get Help Now
Call: 07718657157
Email: eip@oasisdaservice.org
In an emergency, always call 999
watch these films - can you spot signs of an unhealthy relationship?
These films were made by the young people of East Kent College to help you to think about if the behaviour they show is healthy or unhealthy. If you are experiencing abuse behaviour by your partner, you are not alone - help is available.
Consent - do you know enough?
It can feel like consent is confusing, but it’s made as simple as making a cup of tea in this video by Blue Seat Studios. Watch it, remember it, share it.
There is a lot of peer pressure out there. For example, your friends are doing something and asking why you aren't or they tell you what you 'should' be doing. They aren't necessarily right or looking out for you. Being strong enough to not give in to that pressure and to hold on until you find the right person for you can be very difficult. But it’s okay to do that.
Drawing the line
Read stories about real relationships written by young people and learn about harmful behaviour. Go to www.drawtheline.uk (you’ll need a smartphone to access content)
Trigger warning: the stories contain details that may be upsetting.
Online safety
Keeping yourself safe online and protecting your privacy is important. Visit www.thinkuknow.co.uk to find out how.
If you're under 18 years of age and a nude image or video of you has been shared online, you can report it to be removed from the internet. Go to the Childline Report Remove website.
Out and about
If you are at the same school, collage, work place or living in the same area as the abuser this probably makes you feel worse. At the very least this means they might see the person every day, which can make life very difficult, that is why you need to tell someone. You don't have to deal with this alone. We are here.
Telling someone
If you have experienced abuse in a relationship you might be worried about your parent(s) finding out that there has been abuse because you don't want them to worry or it might reveal lies you have told in the past. Worrying that your parents wouldn't understand or think you were overreacting might be other reasons you feel you can't tell them. You never know unless you let them know and if telling your parent is too difficult tell a teacher or someone else that you trust.
Similarly, telling a friend might be hard. Help is available and our services are here to listen and support you.
At Home
Not everyone that is a victim of domestic abuse experiences it first-hand, watching other family members being abused can be very painful and confusing. If you are being affected by domestic abuse at home you can get support from us by calling 07718657157 or emailing eip@oasisdaservice.org, if it is safe to do so.
In an emergency, always call 999
““Thank you for everything you’ve done for me, I honestly cannot put into words how grateful I am to have had your support. I genuinely didn’t expect to grow as much as I have. I’d given up on myself before meeting you, thank you so much for your support, for always making sure that I feel my feelings are valid and that I should not suppress if I’m upset or angry, as it’s not my fault. Thank you so much, I don’t know where I’d be without you.””
Mentoring
Our Mentoring programme for young people aged 7 to 25 years provides a safe, non-judgemental space to talk through feelings and explore healthy and unhealthy relationships. If you or someone you know could benefit from connecting with our mentors, email eip@oasisdaservice.org.
Support our work with young people
We don’t receive any statutory funding for our vital work with children and young people. If you’d like to support us, please consider giving today.